Have you ever noticed how you typically have to experience something first hand to really understand what it's like? How you have to go through something yourself before you fully grasp what others who have been through the same thing might feel? How you can't relate to others who have seen the Grand Canyon until you've seen it too? I call that feeling or reality perspective.
I've come to believe that true perspective only comes with contrast. You never really know what something is until you can contrast it with something that it is not. Take the Grand Canyon. Everyone knows that the Grand Canyon is big. But I've seen some pretty big trucks, and some pretty big buildings. Heck, for that matter, I've seen some pretty big mountains and rivers and lakes. If you've been to the Grand Canyon you know...everything else seems small. You walk up to the edge of it expecting something big and you're surprised because big isn't descriptive enough. When you, a person maybe somewhere between 5' and 7' see the Grand Canyon you feel like you're as small as an insect. Perspective comes with contrast.
Don't believe me? Take photography then, or rather think of focus. Put your finger in front of your face about 8 inches out. Now if your finger is bigger than your eye, you might have eye cancer! JK JK. Keep your finger there and focus on your computer or phone or tablet or whatever else you might be reading this on. Then focus back on your finger. Then back to the screen. You see a whole different set of things when you switch your focus. One moment you're thinking, "Man is there something wrong with me since I'm seeing two fingers when I know I only have one up?!?" and the next moment you're thinking, "Geesh I should trim my finger nails more often." Perspective is a lot like focus. Whatever you're focused on will automatically exclude everything else. You can't focus on two things at once. Now, if you get really good at it, you can focus on something but still be paying attention to a lot of other things outside of the center of your focus-kind of like a narrow aperture in photography. Your depth of field can increase with skill.
I think that life works the same way. You gain perspective when you contrast things. When you've experienced something, say depression for example, you gain a new sense of perspective on what it means to be affected by your feelings and circumstances. Or say you loose something very valuable to you, you gain some perspective on what it's like to life without certain privileges or conveniences. You gain a fuller perspective when you have something to contrast with. You may not even be able to tell that that favorite white t shirt of yours is actually kind of ivory until you can hold it up against a brand new white t shirt. You probably don't think your vision is that bad until you can contrast it with the vision you have when the optometrist flips that lens down giving you two examples of how you might be able to see. Perspective comes with contrast.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
Run with the Horses-a book review
Hey, figured I'd share this from my Goodreads. Really, just check out the quotes. This book has in many ways enriched my life recently. I will probably have plenty of blog topics that spawn from within this writing by Eugene Peterson.
Here it is:
This book was strangely just what I needed. Peterson talks through the life of Jeremiah and his story. He takes the narrative of Jeremiah's life and connects it to the narratives of all believers. He talks about being the best that you can be.
I found this book to be very enriching to my soul. In a weird sort of way, I couldn't read it quickly. I felt as if I needed a few days to deal with the truth of each chapter, applying it to each and every part of my life. For something that I thoroughly enjoyed, this book took me a strange amount of time to finish; however, I'd recommend it to anyone looking for some challenging and convicting truths about Jesus and a life pursuing Him.
I highlighted a ton in this book, so let these highlights be my review!!
-The thorough integration of strength and sensitivity, of firmness and feeling, is rare. We sometimes see sensitive people who are unstrung most of the time. They bleed profusely at the sight of blood. Their sensitivity incapacitates them for action in the rough-and-tumble cruelties of the world. In contrast others are rigid moralists, ramrod stiff with righteous rectitude. There is never any doubt about their dogmatically asserted position. But their principles are hammers that crack skulls and bruise flesh. The world makes a wide circuit around such persons. It is dangerous to be in their company for very long, for if they detect any mental weakness or moral wavering in us, we will be lucky to escape without at least a headache. location 516
-Religion became what it must be but often is not-a way of discovering the meaning of life, of ordering justice in society, of finding direction toward goals of excellence, of acquiring the discipline to live with integrity, of realizing how God loves and of learning how to love God in return. location 567
-All truth must be experienced personally before it is complete, before it is authentic.Read more at location 735
-What is wrong is to evaluate the worth of words and deeds by their popularity. What is scandalous is to approve only what is applauded. What is disastrous is to assume that only the celebrated is genuine. Read more at location 808
-Scripture cannot be used. It is God's word calling us to a personal response. The word of God addresses us, calls us into being. The only appropriate response is a reverent answering. It is always more than we are, always previous to us, always over us. Read more at location 1167
-An accident, a tragedy, a disaster of any kind can force the realization that the world is not predictable, that reality is far more extensive than our habitual perception of it. With the pain and in the midst of alienation a sense of freedom can occur. Read more at location 1325
-The aim of the person of faith is not to be as comfortable as possible but to live as deeply and thoroughly as possible-to deal with the reality of life, discover truth, create beauty, act out love. Read more at location 1368
-"As long as matters are really hopeful," wrote Chesterton, "hope is mere flattery or platitude. It is only when everything is hopeless that hope begins to be a strength at all. Like all the Christian virtues, it is as unreasonable as it is indispensable."5 Read more at location 1559
-It is, of course, far easier to languish in despair than to live in hope, for when we live in despair we don't have to do anything or risk anything. We can live lazily and shiftlessly with an untarnished reputation for practicality, current with the way things appear. It is fashionable to espouse the latest cynicism. If we live in hope, we go against the stream. Read more at location 1609
-God does not send us into the dangerous and exacting life of faith because we are qualified; he chooses us in order to qualify us for what he wants us to be and do: "I've just put my words in your mouth.... I've given you a job to do among nations and governments-a red-letter day!" location 451
-In Jeremiah it is clear that the excellence comes from a life of faith, from being more interested in God than in self, and has almost nothing to do with comfort or esteem or achievement. location 106
-It is enormously difficult to portray goodness in an attractive way; it is much easier to make a scoundrel interesting. location 110
-If I am frequently and authoritatively treated impersonally, I begin to think of myself the same way. I consider myself in terms of how I fit into the statistical norms; I evaluate myself in terms of my usefulness; I assess my worth in response to how much others want me or don't want me. location 21
-Apart from the before, the now has little meaning. The now is only a thin slice of who I am; isolated from the rich deposits of before, it cannot be understood. location 300
-If we are going to live appropriately, we must be aware that we are living in the middle of a story that was begun and will be concluded by another. And this other is God. -location 323
-We are so used to considering everything through the prism of our current feelings and our most recent acquisitions that it is a radical change to consider the vast before. But if we would live well, it is necessary. Otherwise we live feebly and gropingly, blind to the glory that we are known, chosen and given away by God. location 399
-We underestimate God and we overestimate evil. We don't see what God is doing and conclude that he is doing nothing. We see everything that evil is doing and think it is in control of everyone.location 505
-
Here it is:
This book was strangely just what I needed. Peterson talks through the life of Jeremiah and his story. He takes the narrative of Jeremiah's life and connects it to the narratives of all believers. He talks about being the best that you can be.
I found this book to be very enriching to my soul. In a weird sort of way, I couldn't read it quickly. I felt as if I needed a few days to deal with the truth of each chapter, applying it to each and every part of my life. For something that I thoroughly enjoyed, this book took me a strange amount of time to finish; however, I'd recommend it to anyone looking for some challenging and convicting truths about Jesus and a life pursuing Him.
I highlighted a ton in this book, so let these highlights be my review!!
-The thorough integration of strength and sensitivity, of firmness and feeling, is rare. We sometimes see sensitive people who are unstrung most of the time. They bleed profusely at the sight of blood. Their sensitivity incapacitates them for action in the rough-and-tumble cruelties of the world. In contrast others are rigid moralists, ramrod stiff with righteous rectitude. There is never any doubt about their dogmatically asserted position. But their principles are hammers that crack skulls and bruise flesh. The world makes a wide circuit around such persons. It is dangerous to be in their company for very long, for if they detect any mental weakness or moral wavering in us, we will be lucky to escape without at least a headache. location 516
-Religion became what it must be but often is not-a way of discovering the meaning of life, of ordering justice in society, of finding direction toward goals of excellence, of acquiring the discipline to live with integrity, of realizing how God loves and of learning how to love God in return. location 567
-All truth must be experienced personally before it is complete, before it is authentic.Read more at location 735
-What is wrong is to evaluate the worth of words and deeds by their popularity. What is scandalous is to approve only what is applauded. What is disastrous is to assume that only the celebrated is genuine. Read more at location 808
-Scripture cannot be used. It is God's word calling us to a personal response. The word of God addresses us, calls us into being. The only appropriate response is a reverent answering. It is always more than we are, always previous to us, always over us. Read more at location 1167
-An accident, a tragedy, a disaster of any kind can force the realization that the world is not predictable, that reality is far more extensive than our habitual perception of it. With the pain and in the midst of alienation a sense of freedom can occur. Read more at location 1325
-The aim of the person of faith is not to be as comfortable as possible but to live as deeply and thoroughly as possible-to deal with the reality of life, discover truth, create beauty, act out love. Read more at location 1368
-"As long as matters are really hopeful," wrote Chesterton, "hope is mere flattery or platitude. It is only when everything is hopeless that hope begins to be a strength at all. Like all the Christian virtues, it is as unreasonable as it is indispensable."5 Read more at location 1559
-It is, of course, far easier to languish in despair than to live in hope, for when we live in despair we don't have to do anything or risk anything. We can live lazily and shiftlessly with an untarnished reputation for practicality, current with the way things appear. It is fashionable to espouse the latest cynicism. If we live in hope, we go against the stream. Read more at location 1609
-God does not send us into the dangerous and exacting life of faith because we are qualified; he chooses us in order to qualify us for what he wants us to be and do: "I've just put my words in your mouth.... I've given you a job to do among nations and governments-a red-letter day!" location 451
-In Jeremiah it is clear that the excellence comes from a life of faith, from being more interested in God than in self, and has almost nothing to do with comfort or esteem or achievement. location 106
-It is enormously difficult to portray goodness in an attractive way; it is much easier to make a scoundrel interesting. location 110
-If I am frequently and authoritatively treated impersonally, I begin to think of myself the same way. I consider myself in terms of how I fit into the statistical norms; I evaluate myself in terms of my usefulness; I assess my worth in response to how much others want me or don't want me. location 21
-Apart from the before, the now has little meaning. The now is only a thin slice of who I am; isolated from the rich deposits of before, it cannot be understood. location 300
-If we are going to live appropriately, we must be aware that we are living in the middle of a story that was begun and will be concluded by another. And this other is God. -location 323
-We are so used to considering everything through the prism of our current feelings and our most recent acquisitions that it is a radical change to consider the vast before. But if we would live well, it is necessary. Otherwise we live feebly and gropingly, blind to the glory that we are known, chosen and given away by God. location 399
-We underestimate God and we overestimate evil. We don't see what God is doing and conclude that he is doing nothing. We see everything that evil is doing and think it is in control of everyone.location 505
-
Monday, August 20, 2012
Persisting
"All demand for constant light, for ever the best, all attempt at eliminating or minimizing the cross and trial, is so much soft folly and puerile trifling." -Baron Friedrich Von Hugel
I remember once telling a mentor of mine that I just wanted to be a mature believer, close to God and connected intimately with His desires and purposes. This wise mentor told me that I needed to be patient, that maturity takes time.
So many things in our society are instant or, at the least, conveniently quick. Cars, microwaves, grocery stores, data plans, Mbps, highways, streaming _______, Starbucks, apps, airplanes, digital cameras, status updates, pneumatic nail guns, text messaging, warm air hand dryers, light switches, the drive thru, narcotics, online learning, quickrete, money transfers, and pre-approved anythings-these things fill our daily lives. We are so used to getting what we want or "need" on our timelines. We barely ever have to wait for anything.
Imagine you're at a Wendy's and you order a biggie fry, a Dr Pepper, and a spicy chicken sandwich to go. How long does it take before you start to look over the counter at the "workers," as if them seeing you peer around the counter(designed to hide what's really happening in that "kitchen") will actually speed up the process of heating up your
We're just so used to getting what we want quickly. The concepts of cultivation, delayed gratification, savings, or commitment are not too liked by a lot of us. We like to get things as quickly and easily as is possible.
I've noticed that this mentality has caused me several frustrations over the years, especially in my relationship with the Lord. Often I feel as if the Lord should just go ahead and let me in on His master plan for my life. He knows I want to obey Him. He knows I am willing to listen. If He'd just let me know exactly where I am going to be, what I am going to be doing, how much money I will have in my monthly budget, how many kids I'm going to have, and which kind of car will have the least mechanical failures, then both of our lives would be much simpler.
That's the thing with the Lord though-He's not like our society. He tends to make big movements over long periods of time. He doesn't seem to be as concerned with immediate results or tomorrow's projections as you and I do.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Fear of indifference
"Now we must all fear evil men, but there is another evil we must fear most and that is the indifference of good men."
This quote has in many ways affected my life. I have a strong conviction against indifference and strive to always choose to act rather than refrain.
Recently, I've come across a new kind of indifference in my heart. This indifference isn't really new to me or new to this world but rather my awareness, acceptance, and acknowledgement of this growing indifference is new.
In his book, Running With Horses, Eugene Petersen draws his readers into the life of Jeremiah the prophet. When breaking down Jeremiah's increasing angst regarding his sermon to a disobedient and deceptive "pastor" from Israel, Petersen talks of Jeremiah's fear. Jeremiah didn't fear persecution, discomfort, lack of security, or even death. "What he did fear was worship without astonishment, religion without commitment. He feared getting what he wanted and missing what God wanted" (Kindle Location 845).
This really resonated with me. I've grown to learn that my heart has drifted from an appropriate response to the Truth. Missing out on what God has for me used to be my biggest fear. As life's responsibilities have increasingly come upon me, I've found that lack of comfort, financial instability, and other earthly concerns have seemingly taken over my fear landscape.
My prayer is that I will reawaken my fear of indifference regarding God's presence in my life. That I will see the gospel as it truly is and thus respond with nothing less than wholehearted obedience and commitment. I'd challenge you to do the same!
This quote has in many ways affected my life. I have a strong conviction against indifference and strive to always choose to act rather than refrain.
Recently, I've come across a new kind of indifference in my heart. This indifference isn't really new to me or new to this world but rather my awareness, acceptance, and acknowledgement of this growing indifference is new.
In his book, Running With Horses, Eugene Petersen draws his readers into the life of Jeremiah the prophet. When breaking down Jeremiah's increasing angst regarding his sermon to a disobedient and deceptive "pastor" from Israel, Petersen talks of Jeremiah's fear. Jeremiah didn't fear persecution, discomfort, lack of security, or even death. "What he did fear was worship without astonishment, religion without commitment. He feared getting what he wanted and missing what God wanted" (Kindle Location 845).
This really resonated with me. I've grown to learn that my heart has drifted from an appropriate response to the Truth. Missing out on what God has for me used to be my biggest fear. As life's responsibilities have increasingly come upon me, I've found that lack of comfort, financial instability, and other earthly concerns have seemingly taken over my fear landscape.
My prayer is that I will reawaken my fear of indifference regarding God's presence in my life. That I will see the gospel as it truly is and thus respond with nothing less than wholehearted obedience and commitment. I'd challenge you to do the same!
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Glory in weakness
So, its been awhile since I've blogged. Things have been kinda crazy busy around here and I've just had a hard time practicing the discipline of writing.
At church, we're going through a series called "When God..." Basically the concept is about how to deal with those many times in our lives when we feel that God is absent, uncooperative, or late. Today's message was particularly refreshing. Pastor Stanley talked about the thorn in Paul's flesh and God's "uncooperativeness" when he asked God to remove it.
Obviously, there's a lot surrounding Paul's thorn that we do not know. We know that God said no. We know that God said His grace is sufficient for Paul (and us). We know that God's power is made perfect in Paul's (and ours) weakness.
For some reason, today's reminder of this passage and it's truth really refreshed my heart. There's a lot going on right now in my life that causes me to feel like maybe God is being distant, uncooperative or late. I thought that this was super relevant to me and figured I'd share it on here.
At church, we're going through a series called "When God..." Basically the concept is about how to deal with those many times in our lives when we feel that God is absent, uncooperative, or late. Today's message was particularly refreshing. Pastor Stanley talked about the thorn in Paul's flesh and God's "uncooperativeness" when he asked God to remove it.
Obviously, there's a lot surrounding Paul's thorn that we do not know. We know that God said no. We know that God said His grace is sufficient for Paul (and us). We know that God's power is made perfect in Paul's (and ours) weakness.
For some reason, today's reminder of this passage and it's truth really refreshed my heart. There's a lot going on right now in my life that causes me to feel like maybe God is being distant, uncooperative or late. I thought that this was super relevant to me and figured I'd share it on here.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Soul Retreat!
Getting away is so important.
A few years ago, I made the decision to regularly get away from it all-people, facebook, tv, Playstation, work, and daily responsibilities. I decided to call it Soul Retreat.
I'd love to get the chance to go on a Soul Retreat more than once a year; however, with young kids and a wife its kinda hard. Excuses, excuse-I know!
Anyways...I'm convinced that there's a ton of value in getting away from the regular things that covet our time and attention. I don't think that these times in our lives have to be (or even should be) some sort of mountain-top experience where we rededicate (or dedicate for some of us) our lives back to the Lord, or where we commit to some sort of short-lived and unreasonable goal to drastically change some sort of behavior or implement some sort of lifestyle change. On the contrary, I try to avoid these sort of overly feely false commitments and "repentances." The value, I have found, is in the silence.
Silence from all of the things that so easily and rightfully distract us can be so scary. It's hard to be left to nothing but our thoughts, a 66 part story, a pen, a moleskin, our pipe (well not really sad...more...awesome), a tent, some camping food, a nalgene, a backpack, and our self. It's scary because prolonged silence forces us to listen to the first clamor or whisper that we undoubtedly hear. The truth about our weaknesses, strengths, shortcomings, victories, failures, and current condition is revealed easier when life's responsibilities, hobbies, interests, lusts, addictions, and idols are left at home (at least with our best effort).
I guess when I'm saying is that life is just too important and short to simply not have these times. I thinks it's fair to ask that we commit to ourselves that we will "get away" at least once a year. Whether it's for a short hike at a State Park nearby or a more extended camping trip alone in a desolate area. Everyone's circumstances, freedoms, and skills limit what's reasonable and safe when it comes to "getting away." But, no one I've ever known, can't do this at least once a year for at least half a day.
Dare all the more, to not let life get in the way of you getting away from life to figure out, just a little more, your life!
A few years ago, I made the decision to regularly get away from it all-people, facebook, tv, Playstation, work, and daily responsibilities. I decided to call it Soul Retreat.
I'd love to get the chance to go on a Soul Retreat more than once a year; however, with young kids and a wife its kinda hard. Excuses, excuse-I know!
Anyways...I'm convinced that there's a ton of value in getting away from the regular things that covet our time and attention. I don't think that these times in our lives have to be (or even should be) some sort of mountain-top experience where we rededicate (or dedicate for some of us) our lives back to the Lord, or where we commit to some sort of short-lived and unreasonable goal to drastically change some sort of behavior or implement some sort of lifestyle change. On the contrary, I try to avoid these sort of overly feely false commitments and "repentances." The value, I have found, is in the silence.
Silence from all of the things that so easily and rightfully distract us can be so scary. It's hard to be left to nothing but our thoughts, a 66 part story, a pen, a moleskin, our pipe (well not really sad...more...awesome), a tent, some camping food, a nalgene, a backpack, and our self. It's scary because prolonged silence forces us to listen to the first clamor or whisper that we undoubtedly hear. The truth about our weaknesses, strengths, shortcomings, victories, failures, and current condition is revealed easier when life's responsibilities, hobbies, interests, lusts, addictions, and idols are left at home (at least with our best effort).
I guess when I'm saying is that life is just too important and short to simply not have these times. I thinks it's fair to ask that we commit to ourselves that we will "get away" at least once a year. Whether it's for a short hike at a State Park nearby or a more extended camping trip alone in a desolate area. Everyone's circumstances, freedoms, and skills limit what's reasonable and safe when it comes to "getting away." But, no one I've ever known, can't do this at least once a year for at least half a day.
 |
| Soul Retreat 2012! |
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Questions
It was a Monday morning.
Mere had taken the kids to the YMCA and dropped me off to play some disc golf at the park. We were on our way home from the park and I was stressing about money! Well, it really wasn't money, it was the van. Our check engine light had come on. I knew there were a couple things about our van that probably needed to get checked out at some point, but really didn't wanna deal with the cost of taking it to a shop and having them tell me all the things wrong with my vehicle! Money's not exactly everywhere.
I'm stressing about money when we pull in the drive.
Mere heads into the house while I unload the kids. Immediately, she notices something isn't right. She pops her head in the house and quickly notices that while we were gone, not but an hour and a half...our house was robbed.
Somebody kicked our door in, walked around our house, took many of our/my things, and then left without getting caught.
It's been a few weeks now and the emotions are fading. We're coming to terms with what we lost and striving to be thankful for what we still have. Praise the Lord that no one was hurt or even put in a place where there was a chance of that kind of tragedy.
------------------------------------------------------------
When unfortunate or "unfair" things happen to me, I typically find myself doing what most people do-asking questions. Why did this happen? What's the lesson I'm supposed to learn from this? What did I do to bring this punishment on myself? What could I have done to prevent this? Who's fault is this? What will life be like now? And so on...
I think asking questions is normal. Right?
But, there comes a point, when we have to get past pursuing the answers to these and many more questions that we find ourselves posing. It seems like some of these questions have compounding and never-ending answers to them. We really could spend the rest of our lives asking questions to the air, wondering, "Why me?," or, "What caused this?"
I have found that there really is only one question that needs to be asked in these situations. (It's not that there is only one important question, or that this is the only question that we should ask, or even that this is the only question that could potentially benefit us; rather, this question is so important that we'd be missing out on some great things if we didn't ask it-hence the underlining of "needs")
When confronted by unexplainable loss, undeserved afflictions, confusing and painful circumstances, or suffering, we need to ask ourselves, "How will I choose to react?"
Life is really just a series of experiences. These experiences comprise our days. The days comprise our weeks, the weeks our months, the months our years, and the years our lives. Our lives are our stories. But, these stories...they're not about you or me. Our stories comprise history. And history...well, history really isn't about you or me. History comprises His story. It's actually all about Him.
The importance of asking the question, "How will I choose to react?" lies in the action that makes up the answer.
If all of these experience in our lives, both good and bad, are all, ultimately, not about us but rather someone else, then our response to them is drastically more important than our grasp on them.
The good news is that some of the questions that we naturally ask ourselves when we face these experiences are already on the right track. We naturally know, when we experience something terrible, that it's not about us. There's usually something bigger going on. And you know what, we don't have to understand what, why, or how. We simply need to choose what we're going to do, how we're going to be, and who we're going to point it all back to. Our reaction is more important than anything else, mostly because it's one thing we can definitely have a large part in controlling.
We're characters, part of a Grand story about love, grace, brokenness, glory and reconciliation; our part is small, but the story is not. Strive to react in a way that contributes to the character development of the Protagonist (main character) rather than the antagonist.
Dare, with me, all the more to continually look to Him when confronted by pain, affliction, and suffering; let your reaction be running into His arms, singing about His beauty, and thanking Him for the chance to play a part in His story!
Mere had taken the kids to the YMCA and dropped me off to play some disc golf at the park. We were on our way home from the park and I was stressing about money! Well, it really wasn't money, it was the van. Our check engine light had come on. I knew there were a couple things about our van that probably needed to get checked out at some point, but really didn't wanna deal with the cost of taking it to a shop and having them tell me all the things wrong with my vehicle! Money's not exactly everywhere.
I'm stressing about money when we pull in the drive.
Mere heads into the house while I unload the kids. Immediately, she notices something isn't right. She pops her head in the house and quickly notices that while we were gone, not but an hour and a half...our house was robbed.
Somebody kicked our door in, walked around our house, took many of our/my things, and then left without getting caught.
It's been a few weeks now and the emotions are fading. We're coming to terms with what we lost and striving to be thankful for what we still have. Praise the Lord that no one was hurt or even put in a place where there was a chance of that kind of tragedy.
------------------------------------------------------------
When unfortunate or "unfair" things happen to me, I typically find myself doing what most people do-asking questions. Why did this happen? What's the lesson I'm supposed to learn from this? What did I do to bring this punishment on myself? What could I have done to prevent this? Who's fault is this? What will life be like now? And so on...
I think asking questions is normal. Right?
But, there comes a point, when we have to get past pursuing the answers to these and many more questions that we find ourselves posing. It seems like some of these questions have compounding and never-ending answers to them. We really could spend the rest of our lives asking questions to the air, wondering, "Why me?," or, "What caused this?"
I have found that there really is only one question that needs to be asked in these situations. (It's not that there is only one important question, or that this is the only question that we should ask, or even that this is the only question that could potentially benefit us; rather, this question is so important that we'd be missing out on some great things if we didn't ask it-hence the underlining of "needs")
When confronted by unexplainable loss, undeserved afflictions, confusing and painful circumstances, or suffering, we need to ask ourselves, "How will I choose to react?"
Life is really just a series of experiences. These experiences comprise our days. The days comprise our weeks, the weeks our months, the months our years, and the years our lives. Our lives are our stories. But, these stories...they're not about you or me. Our stories comprise history. And history...well, history really isn't about you or me. History comprises His story. It's actually all about Him.
The importance of asking the question, "How will I choose to react?" lies in the action that makes up the answer.
If all of these experience in our lives, both good and bad, are all, ultimately, not about us but rather someone else, then our response to them is drastically more important than our grasp on them.
The good news is that some of the questions that we naturally ask ourselves when we face these experiences are already on the right track. We naturally know, when we experience something terrible, that it's not about us. There's usually something bigger going on. And you know what, we don't have to understand what, why, or how. We simply need to choose what we're going to do, how we're going to be, and who we're going to point it all back to. Our reaction is more important than anything else, mostly because it's one thing we can definitely have a large part in controlling.
We're characters, part of a Grand story about love, grace, brokenness, glory and reconciliation; our part is small, but the story is not. Strive to react in a way that contributes to the character development of the Protagonist (main character) rather than the antagonist.
Dare, with me, all the more to continually look to Him when confronted by pain, affliction, and suffering; let your reaction be running into His arms, singing about His beauty, and thanking Him for the chance to play a part in His story!
Monday, April 16, 2012
I was going to but...
Do you ever get a feeling or urge to do something for or to a complete stranger? Maybe you're at the gym running and you see someone on a stairmaster across the room who you recognize; but, for some reason, you feel something inside you asking you to go over to her/him and say hi or maybe ask her/him to hang out sometime. Or perhaps, you're playing disc golf with your brother and you see someone in front of you who's gonna play by himself/herself; however, you feel a desire to maybe get to know this person a little. I've been realizing/remembering that urges like these are actually quite common in my life, and, I'd guess, yours too.
In these moments, I think that we are seeing, either by choice or default, others as people rather than objects. Their humanness calls out to us. Not responding to the humanness in others when it calls to us can cause us to stop seeing people as people and to start seeing them as objects. That being said, I'm not suggesting that we have to or even should respond to every little urge that we have towards others' humanness, rather I'm wondering if maybe we would drastically benefit from responding every now and then.
Meredith and I are basically settled in here in Charlotte. We are pretty confident we've found a church, we've got all of our bills and mail coming to our house!, and we're getting in to a bit of a routine with wedding season having started. It's time to make some friends! But, making friends is tough (Kels feels me) in this context of life. In high school, making friends is hard to avoid; in college, you're surrounded by a lot of people feeling, wanting, and going through a lot of the same things as you, so making friends is only natural; then, however, you get to this different season of life-that's where we're at. I'm definitely not making excuses. I'm actually just realizing how hard it is to make friends when you're in a new place.
I'm striving to seize more opportunities and listen to my heart's urges more in life. I think this will bring me experiences, stories, and friends that I otherwise wouldn't have. I'm not certain this will be the outcome, but I'm going to dare all the more to listen to the urges that call me to serve, love, reach out to, or get to know other people. This is kind of a new thing for me, or, at least, it's something I haven't done for a long time. So...instead of my classic line being, "I was going to __________, but...", I'm going to start saying, "I wasn't going to_______, but I did. And, because I did_________." I'm excited!! You?
In these moments, I think that we are seeing, either by choice or default, others as people rather than objects. Their humanness calls out to us. Not responding to the humanness in others when it calls to us can cause us to stop seeing people as people and to start seeing them as objects. That being said, I'm not suggesting that we have to or even should respond to every little urge that we have towards others' humanness, rather I'm wondering if maybe we would drastically benefit from responding every now and then.
Meredith and I are basically settled in here in Charlotte. We are pretty confident we've found a church, we've got all of our bills and mail coming to our house!, and we're getting in to a bit of a routine with wedding season having started. It's time to make some friends! But, making friends is tough (Kels feels me) in this context of life. In high school, making friends is hard to avoid; in college, you're surrounded by a lot of people feeling, wanting, and going through a lot of the same things as you, so making friends is only natural; then, however, you get to this different season of life-that's where we're at. I'm definitely not making excuses. I'm actually just realizing how hard it is to make friends when you're in a new place.
I'm striving to seize more opportunities and listen to my heart's urges more in life. I think this will bring me experiences, stories, and friends that I otherwise wouldn't have. I'm not certain this will be the outcome, but I'm going to dare all the more to listen to the urges that call me to serve, love, reach out to, or get to know other people. This is kind of a new thing for me, or, at least, it's something I haven't done for a long time. So...instead of my classic line being, "I was going to __________, but...", I'm going to start saying, "I wasn't going to_______, but I did. And, because I did_________." I'm excited!! You?
Saturday, April 7, 2012
When I grow up
Do you remember when you were a kid? What did you want to be when you grew up?
When I was a little kid, I loved tractors. My mom used to always say that I was her little tractor man. I obviously don't remember exactly what I loved about tractors so much, but I do distinctively remember associating tractors with my grandpa. My mom's dad died when I was just a few weeks old. I definitely don't remember him at all from the few shorts days we had together. However, as I was growing up, I was always compared to him. My mom and her mom used to always say that I was built like him, that my hair was like his, and that he sure would've loved me!
My love for tractors naturally lead me to Bible college. Oh wait...no it didn't! What did I want to be when I grew up? A farmer! Riding on tractors all day and having tons of animals to call my own sounded like a dream job to my little 7-year-old ears. I wanted to be a farmer, what did you want to be?
Certainly our childhood aspirations and dreams are more innocent than our adult aspirations and dreams-less complicated and layered to say the least. Along with their naivety, they seem to be pure dreams unaffected by the world's demands and rules.
I've been noticing a lot lately that my 2-year-old son, Finley, is obsessed with me. This obsession both scares and fascinates me. I am thinking specifically of what fascinates me about his obsession while I write this blog.
Whether I'm a blue-collar cable tech moving large orange cones in front and back of my van or I'm a blue-collar landscaping worker at a wedding business raking mulch and shoveling dirt, Finley wants to be just like me. He respects me regardless of how I'm treated in my job, he looks up to me regardless of how much I look down on myself, and he considers me his hero regardless of the lack of my power to protect him always. Being so young and, for the most part, unaffected by the world, Finley simply wants to do whatever it is that I do.
It's hard, if not impossible, to remember what it was like when we were kids and thought of a job in simplistic terms. Our concerns were not about dignity, social classifications, pay grade, status, dress code, or any other thing that the world teaches us to be consumed by when looking at the quality of one type of job over another. Instead, when we were kids, we only thought about the coolness of the tools of the trade or who we wanted to be like.
I'm in no way a fan of setting the bar low for oneself when dealing with dreams and aspirations; I just wonder if we could all learn a little something something from kids (either the kids in our life or the kid inside of each one of us). Dare all the more to not be consumed by this world's demands and standards of living. Find dignity in the quality of the worker rather than the type of work being done.
When I was a little kid, I loved tractors. My mom used to always say that I was her little tractor man. I obviously don't remember exactly what I loved about tractors so much, but I do distinctively remember associating tractors with my grandpa. My mom's dad died when I was just a few weeks old. I definitely don't remember him at all from the few shorts days we had together. However, as I was growing up, I was always compared to him. My mom and her mom used to always say that I was built like him, that my hair was like his, and that he sure would've loved me!
My love for tractors naturally lead me to Bible college. Oh wait...no it didn't! What did I want to be when I grew up? A farmer! Riding on tractors all day and having tons of animals to call my own sounded like a dream job to my little 7-year-old ears. I wanted to be a farmer, what did you want to be?
Certainly our childhood aspirations and dreams are more innocent than our adult aspirations and dreams-less complicated and layered to say the least. Along with their naivety, they seem to be pure dreams unaffected by the world's demands and rules.
I've been noticing a lot lately that my 2-year-old son, Finley, is obsessed with me. This obsession both scares and fascinates me. I am thinking specifically of what fascinates me about his obsession while I write this blog.
Whether I'm a blue-collar cable tech moving large orange cones in front and back of my van or I'm a blue-collar landscaping worker at a wedding business raking mulch and shoveling dirt, Finley wants to be just like me. He respects me regardless of how I'm treated in my job, he looks up to me regardless of how much I look down on myself, and he considers me his hero regardless of the lack of my power to protect him always. Being so young and, for the most part, unaffected by the world, Finley simply wants to do whatever it is that I do.
It's hard, if not impossible, to remember what it was like when we were kids and thought of a job in simplistic terms. Our concerns were not about dignity, social classifications, pay grade, status, dress code, or any other thing that the world teaches us to be consumed by when looking at the quality of one type of job over another. Instead, when we were kids, we only thought about the coolness of the tools of the trade or who we wanted to be like.
I'm in no way a fan of setting the bar low for oneself when dealing with dreams and aspirations; I just wonder if we could all learn a little something something from kids (either the kids in our life or the kid inside of each one of us). Dare all the more to not be consumed by this world's demands and standards of living. Find dignity in the quality of the worker rather than the type of work being done.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
FTB
"There's that someday talk again!"
I've come to know this sentence rather well lately. It seems that a lot of my conversations these days include the word someday. I've been noticing it so much in my conversations that I've gotten to the point where, when I realize that I'm talking about the future again, I just say, "There's that someday talk again!"
Have you ever noticed how easy it is to focus on either what you intend, want, strive for, or need, or on what you had, were, saw, felt, experienced, or knew? The present is a scary beast. He requires a lot from you; he seldom gives you time to prepare; and, he often finds a way to throw you off course. Usually it's just plain easier to dance down memory lane or sing the hopes of tomorrow. Most of the time, we'd rather face the "false" reality of yesterday or tomorrow than of now. Now if a powerful word with many implications requiring all sorts of things.
My first year in college was meaningful for a ton of reasons. But, one thing that I vividlylearned realized near the end of my first semester away from home was the power of the present. Me and three of my closest heart-friends came up with a sort of pact/motto for life. You might have heard of it! Actually, you probably haven't. But, we used to say "feel the band." FTB came from two girls and their determination to always be willing to experience God, love, joy, and happiness in any and every situation that their crazy, dysfunctional, and often painful lives brought in front of them. For me, FTB was all about learning to let go of my regrets, put my goals and checkpoints aside, and simply feel- something I have never been great at.
Well, now life is much different than it was then. My responsibility, relationships, roles, and risks have changed. But, "feeling the band" is still something I'm learning to do. Right now, FTB means letting go of things that are no more (not in some sad-pitiful way, but more in a switching playlists on your iPod kind of way), choosing to accept gratefully what I've been given (both physically and spiritually), and simply living here and now-in Charlotte, NC; in the spring; in a four bedroom house; in a steady "hard" labor job; near my brother and his awesome family; with my beautiful family (my joy) and our two cats (Meena and Andrew Zellers).
This is where I live now. So why would I ever try to live somewhere where I know I can't be right now? Live here, live now, live well-feel the band!
I've come to know this sentence rather well lately. It seems that a lot of my conversations these days include the word someday. I've been noticing it so much in my conversations that I've gotten to the point where, when I realize that I'm talking about the future again, I just say, "There's that someday talk again!"
Have you ever noticed how easy it is to focus on either what you intend, want, strive for, or need, or on what you had, were, saw, felt, experienced, or knew? The present is a scary beast. He requires a lot from you; he seldom gives you time to prepare; and, he often finds a way to throw you off course. Usually it's just plain easier to dance down memory lane or sing the hopes of tomorrow. Most of the time, we'd rather face the "false" reality of yesterday or tomorrow than of now. Now if a powerful word with many implications requiring all sorts of things.
My first year in college was meaningful for a ton of reasons. But, one thing that I vividly
Well, now life is much different than it was then. My responsibility, relationships, roles, and risks have changed. But, "feeling the band" is still something I'm learning to do. Right now, FTB means letting go of things that are no more (not in some sad-pitiful way, but more in a switching playlists on your iPod kind of way), choosing to accept gratefully what I've been given (both physically and spiritually), and simply living here and now-in Charlotte, NC; in the spring; in a four bedroom house; in a steady "hard" labor job; near my brother and his awesome family; with my beautiful family (my joy) and our two cats (Meena and Andrew Zellers).
This is where I live now. So why would I ever try to live somewhere where I know I can't be right now? Live here, live now, live well-feel the band!
Friday, March 16, 2012
Powerless powers
I am definitely not a political person. Anyone who knows me, knows that I don't loose any sweat over who's in office or who's running for VP this term. I don't think there's anything wrong with caring about politics and government; on the contrary, I think it's something I need to work on.
My brother Josh is more politically educated than me. He watches more news, has more conversations about politics, and just is more versed in who's running and who's "good" or "bad." Since we work together, I'm getting to learn and talk more about politics.
If you're one of those people who know me, you also know that I have or can establish an opinion or preference on almost any given subject rather quickly. That being said, me and Josh can talk a long time (or rather Italk/banter a long time and Josh listens!!) about politics, even if I really don't know what I'm talking about! HA! Classic Jake!
Some hot topics (from my politically under-educated self's point of view) in the political world recently have had a lot to do with the riots and increased awareness of the US's overspending habits, and, more recently, the US's involvement or avoidance in international justice issues such as the recent hot topic of Kony and his role in the tragic injustices happening in Africa.
Obviously, these are not isolated issues nor are they by any means the only issues happening in our world. Materialism, hatred, violence, persecution, racism, slavery, pride, selfishness, and so on are just a few things that seem to plague the world we live in today. My guess is that these same things have always been an issue. Whether or not the world is worse now than in the past, really isn't the issue I am writing about today. So let's just say that "sin" has always been and will always be a huge problem.
So...
Here's my take!
I strive to hate the evil that plagues our world just as much as the people on the tube, or the youtube, or the news, or the streets of New York, or anywhere. One thing that bothers me though (now he's getting to the point, cause Jake wouldn't be blogging unless he was criticizing something!!), is the way that people respond to these issues mentioned above or most issues that have been "hot topics" over the years of my short life. I'm not assuming foolishly that all people respond in this way; rather, it's a way that a lot of the people that I am aware of respond to these issues.
In life, when we feel powerless to control something, whether it's a government gone shopping at the mall with a credit card they can't pay off or a guerillan leader oppressing and abusing the rights of children and other people, we look for help. At least that's what people who really really care do. We (people who care) don't just move on; we definitely don't just say "Oh well, that's their problem." We ask for help.
Here's what bugs me to the core! Why are we asking our government to help with an issue that they can't really fix. We are asking a powerless power to exude and execute her power in a realm where she has no weapon, no shield, and no ability to change anything about the battle.
Sin is the disease. The gospel is the cure. The church is the nurse who's supposed to pick up the medicine that the doctor prescribed and give it to the patient.
I'm definitely not saying that government, military, or international organizations doesn't, shouldn't, or can't play some role in the aid of the patient. But, let's stop running to the wrong people for help. You don't call the florist when your poop is too big to get past the toothbrush your son jammed down the thunderbox! You don't call the librarian when your friendly neighborhood squirrel family chewed through your RG-6 coax cable drop outside of your house! So why would you call the government, especially a government that is by no means currently "acting" in accordance to the mandates of a "Holy nation," when worldwide sin finally makes itself known by giving you a notification on the news feed of your iPhone app?
Dare all the more to deliver the cure that's readily available to both be delivered and received!
My brother Josh is more politically educated than me. He watches more news, has more conversations about politics, and just is more versed in who's running and who's "good" or "bad." Since we work together, I'm getting to learn and talk more about politics.
If you're one of those people who know me, you also know that I have or can establish an opinion or preference on almost any given subject rather quickly. That being said, me and Josh can talk a long time (or rather I
Some hot topics (from my politically under-educated self's point of view) in the political world recently have had a lot to do with the riots and increased awareness of the US's overspending habits, and, more recently, the US's involvement or avoidance in international justice issues such as the recent hot topic of Kony and his role in the tragic injustices happening in Africa.
Obviously, these are not isolated issues nor are they by any means the only issues happening in our world. Materialism, hatred, violence, persecution, racism, slavery, pride, selfishness, and so on are just a few things that seem to plague the world we live in today. My guess is that these same things have always been an issue. Whether or not the world is worse now than in the past, really isn't the issue I am writing about today. So let's just say that "sin" has always been and will always be a huge problem.
So...
Here's my take!
I strive to hate the evil that plagues our world just as much as the people on the tube, or the youtube, or the news, or the streets of New York, or anywhere. One thing that bothers me though (now he's getting to the point, cause Jake wouldn't be blogging unless he was criticizing something!!), is the way that people respond to these issues mentioned above or most issues that have been "hot topics" over the years of my short life. I'm not assuming foolishly that all people respond in this way; rather, it's a way that a lot of the people that I am aware of respond to these issues.
In life, when we feel powerless to control something, whether it's a government gone shopping at the mall with a credit card they can't pay off or a guerillan leader oppressing and abusing the rights of children and other people, we look for help. At least that's what people who really really care do. We (people who care) don't just move on; we definitely don't just say "Oh well, that's their problem." We ask for help.
Here's what bugs me to the core! Why are we asking our government to help with an issue that they can't really fix. We are asking a powerless power to exude and execute her power in a realm where she has no weapon, no shield, and no ability to change anything about the battle.
Sin is the disease. The gospel is the cure. The church is the nurse who's supposed to pick up the medicine that the doctor prescribed and give it to the patient.
I'm definitely not saying that government, military, or international organizations doesn't, shouldn't, or can't play some role in the aid of the patient. But, let's stop running to the wrong people for help. You don't call the florist when your poop is too big to get past the toothbrush your son jammed down the thunderbox! You don't call the librarian when your friendly neighborhood squirrel family chewed through your RG-6 coax cable drop outside of your house! So why would you call the government, especially a government that is by no means currently "acting" in accordance to the mandates of a "Holy nation," when worldwide sin finally makes itself known by giving you a notification on the news feed of your iPhone app?
Dare all the more to deliver the cure that's readily available to both be delivered and received!
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Beauty everywhere
Have you ever noticed how, when you are looking for something, you notice a lot more than you otherwise would?
I was playing disc golf with Josh today. While we looked for our poorly thrown discs in the "out-of-bounds" section of the course, we noticed all sorts of beauty. Really? Beautiful winter? Trees without leaves, a dead-leaf carpeted forest, fallen limbs, and roots protruding from the earth could all seem like "ugly" things that aren't what you may think of when I say, "It's a beautiful day."
I think that if we go through life always looking for something, we'll end up finding a lot more than we bargained for and be ever-changed because of our search. In this life, if we search for God, if we seek Him, we'll find Him in the oddest of places. We'll see his face everywhere. We'll experience His goodness as we seek Him. And, His light will shine through the wintered North Carolina woods, illuminate the beauty that was present all along, remind us to never stop noticing Him, and correct us from our thought on how He is "supposed" to make Himself known.
Dare all the more to always seek Him, never miss Him, and constantly remember where and how you've seen Him!
"You will seek me and you'll find me when you search for me with all of your heart"
I was playing disc golf with Josh today. While we looked for our poorly thrown discs in the "out-of-bounds" section of the course, we noticed all sorts of beauty. Really? Beautiful winter? Trees without leaves, a dead-leaf carpeted forest, fallen limbs, and roots protruding from the earth could all seem like "ugly" things that aren't what you may think of when I say, "It's a beautiful day."
I think that if we go through life always looking for something, we'll end up finding a lot more than we bargained for and be ever-changed because of our search. In this life, if we search for God, if we seek Him, we'll find Him in the oddest of places. We'll see his face everywhere. We'll experience His goodness as we seek Him. And, His light will shine through the wintered North Carolina woods, illuminate the beauty that was present all along, remind us to never stop noticing Him, and correct us from our thought on how He is "supposed" to make Himself known.
Dare all the more to always seek Him, never miss Him, and constantly remember where and how you've seen Him!
Monday, February 20, 2012
Vines
Well, we made it to Charlotte, North Carolina. After a few days of getting settled in, I started work. Work here is different than my work in Portland. So far I have been working with Josh on one major project in, what the business has come to call, the back forty. Basically, behind the barn where the wedding receptions are held, is a section (or should I say was) of nasty weed-invested, underbrushed-over, unlevel, and viney woods. Our job-clean dem woods! And…clean we did. It took us about 5 full hard days of work to complete the task; however, we finished it. Together we completely rebuilt those woods.
Spending 8 or so hours a day in the woods with vines, sticks, leaves, and some yard tools has really caused me to think a lot about my own life. Not only has my entire world been turned upside down by moving across country to a place that is culturally, topographically, cost-of-livingly, and climately different, but also my job is way different. I no longer go into nasty or clean homes. My customers don’t range from drug-using baby mommas to wealthy high class young professionals anymore; instead, I work with my brother everyday and spend a decent amount of time out in nature. Obviously this is just my job these days, and I’m certain it will be a little bit different every week from here on out. But, what I came here to say, doesn’t have to do with me working with Josh or changing my life around by moving my family, rather, I’ve come to talk about vines.
Man, we have pulled down some big vines. After we cleared out one big section of the woods in the first few days, we realized that there was a ton of growth that needed to be removed. In many ways, more than we calculated. You see vines are an interesting type of growth. Vines sprout up, work their way across the ground with little contact or disruption to it, and then climb the first object they come to thus setting a different trajectory of growth. Apart from the interesting nature of how vines grow without disturbing too much ground mixed with the little amount of energy that they need to live, vines suck! We had to pull so many vines off and out of trees. They wrap themselves cylindrically all up and around the trees. They weave their way through the smaller sticks and weeds that are on the bed of the woods. They get all tangled up in everything thus making them super hard to get rid of.
Vines use the strength of their surrounding neighbors in order to gain life and energy. I vine would die if it stayed right where it sprouted out of the ground; it needs other plants or structures to survive. But…there’s always a catch. There’s a cost. The vine’s life comes at the expense of the life of the tree or other live structure that it’s “stealing” energy from. It takes a long time and a lot of vines to destroy the life of a tree but it doesn’t take long for them to get all wrapped up in a tree taking away a lot of its natural beauty and changing its intended growth.
I definitely have some vines in my life. There are some things in my life that I’ve let go, thinking things like, “It won’t be hard to change this later.” These vines (as I will call them) have slowly worked their way up and around my life. I’ve noticed them in the last year or so and have begun to slowly cut them off. But, when you pull a larger vine off the side of a tree, it doesn’t come easy and definitely leaves its mark. I almost felt like I was hurting some of the trees as I pulled the bigger vines off of them; it was as if these vines had spent enough time with the tree that they were part of them by now. The vines grip themselves to the trees and cling so that they won’t come off easily by the wind or just natural movements in the trees. My vines haven’t and won’t come off easily. But they need to be removed. I know it’s going to hurt. It already has begun to hurt thinking of how many vines I’ve got to get rid of over the next few years.
But, that’s why we came to Charlotte. A lot of things about our lives, my life, have changed. Many more changes await me. As I shed, rip, tear, and cut away the vines that have been “stealing” away my life, I ask that you’ll join me and dare all the more to aggressively attack the things that are waging war against you and the betterment of your relationship with the Gardener. He’ll do the hard work, we just gotta keep standing.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Gray-world, sunlight, hope, and tattoos
In Portland, the sun comes out of the clouds less than it hides behind them.
In many ways, Portland is a dark city. But if you've ever lived in Portland, you know how gratifying the sunlight is after waiting months to see her face. The sun comes out and Portland awakes from its depressive sleep. Dogs, frisbees, joggers, outdoor patio seating, festivals, golf courses, and people come out of every crevice and crack. Sunlight has a way of making everything full of life. If the sun has been away for a long time, its life-giving effect is amplified when it does finally come out.
We've come to call Portland (our previous home), gray-world! It feels like your living in a rain cloud for the better (or worse) part of your year. Gray, gray, gray! But then, as always, the sunshine comes after the rain! When it does, it's amazing. Portland can be one of the greatest places to be in the summertime (or whenever those clouds decide to rescind and let the sunlight through!). I have said countless times, during one of these amazing sunlit days in Portland, "I think Portland is the best place in the world on days like this!"
In many ways, the state of Meredith and I's lives can be compared to state of the sun in Portland. While in Portland, Meredith and I have, both together and individually, experienced some of the most "sunlit" moments of our lives. As I look back over the incredible life-changes that have taken place in Portland, I am humbled and thankful for our time there and am so touched by those we've come to know and love. Some of our brightest moments include incredible friends/family (the kind that leave an permanent indent in your life), super fun college experiences, great work environments, amazing dates, engagement, marriage, college degrees, first child, second child, first "real" job, and some awesome restaurants! We've had a bunch of sunlight in our lives. But, beneath the surface and, many times, on the surface, we've experienced profound depths of pain, insecurity, anxiety, depression, self hate, disappointment, loss, emptiness, and sin. If the sun was out for too long, the darkness would certainly come full steam ahead. The greatest and worst moments of my, Meredith's, and our lives have taken place in Portland, Oregon.
It's been kind of difficult for me to really process and understand most of this until we left for our new home in Charlotte, North Carolina. I knew that Portland was a dark place for us, but it wasn't until we got about an hour and a half away from Portland when the sun beamed through our van's windows onto our faces and relief, excitement, anticipation, joyfulness, and life were realized again-hope was restored!
The crazy thing about hope is that its both a feeling and a state of mind. You can choose to have hope, or it can sneak up on you and take you over. The beautiful thing about true Hope is that He is always there, He always knows, He always loves, He always accepts, and He constantly beckons for you and me to join Him. I love Hope!
Meredith and I both now have tattoos that say hope. We got them to symbolize that, even when the darkness seems to outweigh the light, Hope is always there. They serve as a reminder (an altar) of God's work in our lives. For a long time, we wanted to leave Portland. Life kept happening to us and it seemed hard to get traction. Then, just when we thought we had a "way out," God came in a threw a wrench in our whole plan and laid Charlotte on our laps. We are so grateful that God would choose us for this adventure and we're certain that He is behind us.
Sometimes He wants us to just realize His presence and enter a state of being where we are consumed by Him, and other times He finds us and, just because He loves us, takes us over and consumes us. I love it when Hope consumes me!"
We live on the edge
On the edge of a darkness
Daylight comes to meet you on the road
Like a prodigal son, a prodigal hope
That you gave up on when you were young
Yeah, but daylight is coming on
-John Mark Mcmillan "Daylight"
Dare all the more to seek Hope!
In many ways, Portland is a dark city. But if you've ever lived in Portland, you know how gratifying the sunlight is after waiting months to see her face. The sun comes out and Portland awakes from its depressive sleep. Dogs, frisbees, joggers, outdoor patio seating, festivals, golf courses, and people come out of every crevice and crack. Sunlight has a way of making everything full of life. If the sun has been away for a long time, its life-giving effect is amplified when it does finally come out.
We've come to call Portland (our previous home), gray-world! It feels like your living in a rain cloud for the better (or worse) part of your year. Gray, gray, gray! But then, as always, the sunshine comes after the rain! When it does, it's amazing. Portland can be one of the greatest places to be in the summertime (or whenever those clouds decide to rescind and let the sunlight through!). I have said countless times, during one of these amazing sunlit days in Portland, "I think Portland is the best place in the world on days like this!"
In many ways, the state of Meredith and I's lives can be compared to state of the sun in Portland. While in Portland, Meredith and I have, both together and individually, experienced some of the most "sunlit" moments of our lives. As I look back over the incredible life-changes that have taken place in Portland, I am humbled and thankful for our time there and am so touched by those we've come to know and love. Some of our brightest moments include incredible friends/family (the kind that leave an permanent indent in your life), super fun college experiences, great work environments, amazing dates, engagement, marriage, college degrees, first child, second child, first "real" job, and some awesome restaurants! We've had a bunch of sunlight in our lives. But, beneath the surface and, many times, on the surface, we've experienced profound depths of pain, insecurity, anxiety, depression, self hate, disappointment, loss, emptiness, and sin. If the sun was out for too long, the darkness would certainly come full steam ahead. The greatest and worst moments of my, Meredith's, and our lives have taken place in Portland, Oregon.
It's been kind of difficult for me to really process and understand most of this until we left for our new home in Charlotte, North Carolina. I knew that Portland was a dark place for us, but it wasn't until we got about an hour and a half away from Portland when the sun beamed through our van's windows onto our faces and relief, excitement, anticipation, joyfulness, and life were realized again-hope was restored!
The crazy thing about hope is that its both a feeling and a state of mind. You can choose to have hope, or it can sneak up on you and take you over. The beautiful thing about true Hope is that He is always there, He always knows, He always loves, He always accepts, and He constantly beckons for you and me to join Him. I love Hope!
Meredith and I both now have tattoos that say hope. We got them to symbolize that, even when the darkness seems to outweigh the light, Hope is always there. They serve as a reminder (an altar) of God's work in our lives. For a long time, we wanted to leave Portland. Life kept happening to us and it seemed hard to get traction. Then, just when we thought we had a "way out," God came in a threw a wrench in our whole plan and laid Charlotte on our laps. We are so grateful that God would choose us for this adventure and we're certain that He is behind us.
Sometimes He wants us to just realize His presence and enter a state of being where we are consumed by Him, and other times He finds us and, just because He loves us, takes us over and consumes us. I love it when Hope consumes me!"
We live on the edge
On the edge of a darkness
Daylight comes to meet you on the road
Like a prodigal son, a prodigal hope
That you gave up on when you were young
Yeah, but daylight is coming on
-John Mark Mcmillan "Daylight"
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Drifting
Two of my good friends recently lost their young firstborn son to a sickness that claimed his life rather suddenly. As I've tried to process and experience in small ways what they must be feeling as parents, I've realized that loss is everywhere. The pain that's left when we lose someone close to us is so hard to get past, and, as I can thankfully only imagine, is so intense that we can barely breathe.
As I am deeply sad for my close friends' loss, I admit that I in no way have experienced that kind of loss. I've never had to say goodbye to a close family member, and, being a dad, I cannot even think about what it would be like to lose Audrey or Finley without tearing up (either literally or symbolically).
But, there is another kind of pain that most people do know. We've all lost someone that we were once close to either to death, moving, betrayal, sickness, or just simply life. I've been fortunate enough to have only lost a few people in my life. Having lived a little bit and experienced a little bit about life, I've learned this...
"Often the people who are least likely to abandon you are the most likely to let you drift away."
I made up this quote a couple of years ago. Upon realizing that the man I thought would be my closest friend forever had no real idea of what was going on in my life for at least two years, I felt a different kind of loss then being left behind by someone. My pain, although nothing in comparison to my good friends', was real and poignant. I've bounced all over the place from bitterness to anger to hope to sadness to grief and forgiveness.
The funny thing about drifting is that you usually don't notice until substantial movement can be gauged based on where you once where before the "drift" took place. Imagine you're in the ocean playing for about twenty minutes on the waves just where they break into the shoreline. You hang out there for a little while then you look up to where your cooler and beach chair "should" be and they're not there. Upon further examination you notice that your stuff is about 100 yards up the beach. The tide has caused you to end in a different spot than you began. In relationships, if you're not careful, life will pull you apart. Some of this is normal and even healthy, but to not know that it's going to happen and then to have it happen can breed all kinds of confusion and pain upon the realization that things have changed.
In my relationship, this is exactly what happened. It wasn't until I looked up to "check" where we were in relation to where we started when I realized that I had "lost" someone. And...that sucked.
Often, God teaches me a lot about myself through other people. I'm sure He loves the moments when in my sinfulness, His grace penetrates my hardness and shines light on the part of me that is the same as the part of the person, situation, or institution that I'm so frustrated by.
The light shined through the darkness. It lit up my own propensity to allow others to drift. I'm a fierce lover. I'm a committed friend. And I'm extreme in most things I say and do. I've learned that people like me are most prone to just let others drift away. I've striven to set up specific habits in the relationships I value highly (my onesies) in order to battle against my tendency to drift.
My hope is in one who never leaves, who always perseveres, and who will never let me drift away without being right beside me. I think I can someday be that man. But until then, I will dare all the to get out of the boat and swim after the ones I love.
As I am deeply sad for my close friends' loss, I admit that I in no way have experienced that kind of loss. I've never had to say goodbye to a close family member, and, being a dad, I cannot even think about what it would be like to lose Audrey or Finley without tearing up (either literally or symbolically).
But, there is another kind of pain that most people do know. We've all lost someone that we were once close to either to death, moving, betrayal, sickness, or just simply life. I've been fortunate enough to have only lost a few people in my life. Having lived a little bit and experienced a little bit about life, I've learned this...
"Often the people who are least likely to abandon you are the most likely to let you drift away."
I made up this quote a couple of years ago. Upon realizing that the man I thought would be my closest friend forever had no real idea of what was going on in my life for at least two years, I felt a different kind of loss then being left behind by someone. My pain, although nothing in comparison to my good friends', was real and poignant. I've bounced all over the place from bitterness to anger to hope to sadness to grief and forgiveness.
The funny thing about drifting is that you usually don't notice until substantial movement can be gauged based on where you once where before the "drift" took place. Imagine you're in the ocean playing for about twenty minutes on the waves just where they break into the shoreline. You hang out there for a little while then you look up to where your cooler and beach chair "should" be and they're not there. Upon further examination you notice that your stuff is about 100 yards up the beach. The tide has caused you to end in a different spot than you began. In relationships, if you're not careful, life will pull you apart. Some of this is normal and even healthy, but to not know that it's going to happen and then to have it happen can breed all kinds of confusion and pain upon the realization that things have changed.
In my relationship, this is exactly what happened. It wasn't until I looked up to "check" where we were in relation to where we started when I realized that I had "lost" someone. And...that sucked.
Often, God teaches me a lot about myself through other people. I'm sure He loves the moments when in my sinfulness, His grace penetrates my hardness and shines light on the part of me that is the same as the part of the person, situation, or institution that I'm so frustrated by.
The light shined through the darkness. It lit up my own propensity to allow others to drift. I'm a fierce lover. I'm a committed friend. And I'm extreme in most things I say and do. I've learned that people like me are most prone to just let others drift away. I've striven to set up specific habits in the relationships I value highly (my onesies) in order to battle against my tendency to drift.
My hope is in one who never leaves, who always perseveres, and who will never let me drift away without being right beside me. I think I can someday be that man. But until then, I will dare all the to get out of the boat and swim after the ones I love.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Goodbyes
It's difficult to say goodbye...
Today was my last day as a resident of Portland, Oregon. It's so crazy to think that, at least for now, Portland won't be home. In the process of saying goodbye to friends, family, church, work, restaurants, furniture, time zone, buttes, grayness, and an all around beautiful state, I realized that a lot has happened in Portland worthy of being thankful for. So, I'll give you (my three followers- HA!) a glimpse of my soul as I reminisce from my journal.
God has brought so many good things into my life here in Oregon. I have learned so many things! I've learned about myself, God, the church, husbandry, parenting, friendship, disc golf, cable, motorcycles, woodworking, reading, singing with everything, sex, photography, tattoo pain, decorating, Call of Duty, Brand New, pain, depression, bitterness, finances, mountains, hiking, stress, responsibility, babies, childbirth, breastfeeding, in-laws, volleyball, the Bible, preaching, skateboarding, snowboarding, site-seeing, the Oregon Ducks, Red Robin, grilling chicken, trust, hope, grace, love, the incredibleness of completely white shoes, Macintosh, Ramsey's cash method, the importance of keeping a journal, and many many other things.
I came to Portland much different than I'm leaving.
I have come to know and love so many people here in Portland. I am so blessed and humbled by the privilege of meeting and living near these people. I am sad to leave but happy that we're moving forward.
What is life other than a series of settings, faces, jobs, homes, churches, and relationships? We come, we go-that's life. My prayer is that as I go I may remember where I've been, who I've loved, and what I've learned along the way-I'm coming; prepare the way!
Today was my last day as a resident of Portland, Oregon. It's so crazy to think that, at least for now, Portland won't be home. In the process of saying goodbye to friends, family, church, work, restaurants, furniture, time zone, buttes, grayness, and an all around beautiful state, I realized that a lot has happened in Portland worthy of being thankful for. So, I'll give you (my three followers- HA!) a glimpse of my soul as I reminisce from my journal.
God has brought so many good things into my life here in Oregon. I have learned so many things! I've learned about myself, God, the church, husbandry, parenting, friendship, disc golf, cable, motorcycles, woodworking, reading, singing with everything, sex, photography, tattoo pain, decorating, Call of Duty, Brand New, pain, depression, bitterness, finances, mountains, hiking, stress, responsibility, babies, childbirth, breastfeeding, in-laws, volleyball, the Bible, preaching, skateboarding, snowboarding, site-seeing, the Oregon Ducks, Red Robin, grilling chicken, trust, hope, grace, love, the incredibleness of completely white shoes, Macintosh, Ramsey's cash method, the importance of keeping a journal, and many many other things.
I came to Portland much different than I'm leaving.
I have come to know and love so many people here in Portland. I am so blessed and humbled by the privilege of meeting and living near these people. I am sad to leave but happy that we're moving forward.
What is life other than a series of settings, faces, jobs, homes, churches, and relationships? We come, we go-that's life. My prayer is that as I go I may remember where I've been, who I've loved, and what I've learned along the way-I'm coming; prepare the way!
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