FTB

"There's that someday talk again!"

I've come to know this sentence rather well lately. It seems that a lot of my conversations these days include the word someday. I've been noticing it so much in my conversations that I've gotten to the point where, when I realize that I'm talking about the future again, I just say, "There's that someday talk again!"

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to focus on either what you intend, want, strive for, or need, or on what you had, were, saw, felt, experienced, or knew? The present is a scary beast. He requires a lot from you; he seldom gives you time to prepare; and, he often finds a way to throw you off course. Usually it's just plain easier to dance down memory lane or sing the hopes of tomorrow. Most of the time, we'd rather face the "false" reality of yesterday or tomorrow than of now. Now if a powerful word with many implications requiring all sorts of things.

My first year in college was meaningful for a ton of reasons. But, one thing that I vividly learned realized near the end of my first semester away from home was the power of the present. Me and three of my closest heart-friends came up with a sort of pact/motto for life. You might have heard of it! Actually, you probably haven't. But, we used to say "feel the band." FTB came from two girls and their determination to always be willing to experience God, love, joy, and happiness in any and every situation that their crazy, dysfunctional, and often painful lives brought in front of them. For me, FTB was all about learning to let go of my regrets, put my goals and checkpoints aside, and simply feel- something I have never been great at.

Well, now life is much different than it was then. My responsibility, relationships, roles, and risks have changed. But, "feeling the band" is still something I'm learning to do. Right now, FTB means letting go of things that are no more (not in some sad-pitiful way, but more in a switching playlists on your iPod kind of way), choosing to accept gratefully what I've been given (both physically and spiritually), and simply living here and now-in Charlotte, NC; in the spring; in a four bedroom house; in a steady "hard" labor job; near my brother and his awesome family; with my beautiful family (my joy) and our two cats (Meena and Andrew Zellers).

This is where I live now. So why would I ever try to live somewhere where I know I can't be right now? Live here, live now, live well-feel the band!